nothing to hope for

At this point in time, I really have nothing to hope for.  As we get ready to go and take a functional MRI test, I don’t know, what to even want to come from it.

Do I hope for her AVM to be in a location that isn’t on a critical center so she can have brain surgery to completely eradicate it?  Do I hope for a huge scar, time spent in ICU, the restrictions and possible things that could go wrong?  Is this what I hope for?

Do I hope for her AVM to be in a location that IS on a critical center so she can’t have brain surgery and must do the radiation therapy?  Putting her through radiation that may or may not work and has only an 80% chance of eradicating it.  Of course the side effects and all the possible things t hat could go wrong?  Is that what I hope for?

It is a scary time when you really have nothing to hope for and just go with the flow.  My family hopes for brain surgery, I don’t hope for anything other than there to be a huge mistake and she really doesn’t have a problem.  Unfortunately, that theory has been debunked many times, so I have nothing to hope for.

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